A few days ago I had a very interesting experience with Timmy. We have been working together to try and find some level of peace with his cribbing. This time I put his head collar and rope on and asked him away from his cribbing post. We walked slowly to the barn. I was considering standing inside with him, not shutting him in, just staying out of the weather. As we reached the threshold of the barn he stopped dead and wouldn’t go any further. It was as though a barrier had suddenly come up. I looked at him and he shared with me a feeling of sheer terror. It really hit me hard and although we managed to let it go a bit, neither of us could find peace with it, so I took off his head collar and went away to consider it.
It took most of the day for that feeling to subside enough that I could start to look at it. At first I was led back to certain times in my life when I have felt a level of terror (one was when a burglar came in my house while I was there alone sleeping; another was when a girl threatened me with a knife when we were kids). I did the human trust technique on myself and really came to a place of peace with those, to the point of feeling compassion for the burglar and the girl. When I went to see Timmy after that he came and just stood with me and we shared a wonderful feeling of love, very deep and all consuming, for a short time. It was like he said ‘OK, now we can go to the next level.
This morning, I was reading “The way of the Wizard” by Deepak Chopra. Lesson 13 is basically about everything we see, hear, sense is a mirror of our expectations. This led me into a meditation linked to Timmy. I went back (after some journeying) to when he came into my life. What was my expectation of him? What did he come into my life to mirror back to me? When he came into my life I noticed his cribbing very quickly and went back to the previous owner and asked him about this. He was adamant he didn’t crib. At the time I didn’t believe him. But now I am wondering – Did I create this expectation and make it my reality, and if so ‘Why?’
I went deep into this and what I was like as a person back then, how I felt, what I was trying to find. Without going into the detailed dark depths here, I found a time when I felt caged, bound up in something that was just frustrating because I didn’t feel I was achieving anything. What it came down to was this: To bring TImmy peace, I need to bring peace to myself.
After dealing with my own demons I connected with TImmy from a distance through using heart energy, and an image came to me of a stable door. I have seen this image before but it is usually Timmy’s head over the door asking to be let out. This time I was looking at myself over the door. I opened it and walked out with Timmy behind me and it felt wonderful. A shared joy. It was the same feeling of love I felt a few days ago that I mentioned above. He had shared with me two sides of the same illusion that day : the terror and the joy and then told me to go deal with it. I did.
I then went and did some shared peace time with Chocolate (my older pony) and after a while Timmy invited me to share some peace of mind with him. It was a very deep and connected session. It lasted about 40 minutes. The video shows a few bits and peace. He released a lot as well. He spent quite a lot of time regarding me as much as I was him, and together we shared a turning point. This afternoon he felt really young. Where will this lead next I wonder? What a beautiful boy.
“The reality you experience is a mirror image of your expectations” – Deepak Chopra