I wanted to talk a bit more about this subject because it came up in a conversation I was having in facebook. I have done posts on this subject before, but it continually evolves like everything.
My mantra around this subject is:
“I do not tolerate anything anymore. I accept, then I seek to change.“
But, what does that mean? Isn’t tolerance what makes us nice people? Actually no. Tolerance makes us submissive people. Tolerance puts us exactly where those that want to control would like to keep those of us who want to see change. I have been through many loops with this feeling. The feeling of tolerance. Because I have been a very tolerant person in my life. To be tolerant avoids conflict.
There is always an opposite as well. To not be tolerant does not mean be aggressive or controlling, or use violence to make change happen. Not tolerating something does not mean become radical. It is all about maintaining balance.
So when I say I do not tolerate anything anymore, what I mean is I will not be submissive about something that goes against my values, makes me feel unpeaceful.
Everybodies values are different though. And that is when we say “I accept”. I accept that this is your value at this moment in time.
Then I seek to change.
That can mean making a change within myself. Somebody elses acceptance of something that we perceived as wrong, or unacceptable, should always give us food for thought. Nothing is ever wrong or unacceptable. If you are aware of universal energy and the fact that everything happens for a reason, it came up into your senses, your feelings, your thoughts, your facebook page, to ask you to look at it. This is when to question how we live our values. Are we still tolerating something because it is easier than living our values? Are our values really values, or just words that help us live a comfortable existence?
It can also mean (once we are sure our values, and our behaviours around those values, are sound and feel peaceful and solid within us) that we question something, suggest alternatives, or different ways of thinking about something. We ask how does it make you feel to do that and why? We plant seeds.
I am going to give an example. A controversial one.
I have a value around animals that says “Never use an animal for my own needs”. (It is a sub-value of “Be responsible for my own needs”).
Needs can be physical and emotional. It is a difficult one to master because we have all been educated in the West to use whatever comes our way to meet our needs, rather than meeting them from within. I am nowhere near mastering the overriding value yet, but I have come a long way.
Regarding the animals in my life, I have set the herd as free as they can be in a domesticated environment, and I take responsibility for their health and welfare. I always ask the question of myself when asking the horses for something. “Is it my needs I am asking them to help me meet, or is it for their health and welfare?”
Following through with my mantra, I accept that, when it comes to animals, many are still at different levels of this use of animals. Many still believe that when an animal says No, it is a humans job to turn it into a Yes. Often times I see the statement, but the animal wants to be ridden, loves racing, really enjoys jumping over higher and higher fences, loves to put its body in weird shapes and dance to music, loves to be groomed to an inch of its life so it can prance around for an award for its human. How do you know really. You can’t see a No if you are not open to looking.
And this is the definition of tolerance. The animal tolerates your behaviour. It submits.
Use of animals for therapy / healing / teaching also falls into this value. Many humans are starting to understand the No from animals, and if you are working in the healing/ therapy arena’s then “use” is more difficult because you cannot force or control therapy/healing to the same extent as physical activities. But, there is a level of emotional manipulation out there, be aware, and help make sure this does not become the norm.
The amazing and beautiful thing about animals that we can learn from everyday is that despite all that, the animal Accepts that that is where you are on your journey. And then it is prepared to help you seek to change, if you can open to that. Are you open to that?
Change can only come from within. Question everything.