I have had this feeling for days now that our intellectual understanding of physicality needs to be undone. The way we look at our physical selves, and the physicality of all beings needs to change somehow.
To begin with I allowed my intellectual thoughts to meander….
We are conceived in energetic perfection.
Birth is the energetic force of the creation of an individual physical being, reliant on itself.
Between birth and death is life : We vibrate in our purpose and when we are not fulfilling our purpose our vibration is different and becomes unconnected.
Our energy dissipates in death.
How does our physicality link to this higher purpose?
Everything in nature has a purpose. Why is it so difficult to see our own? To find our balanced vibration that provides everything that is connected to us, what it needs from us? Why do we feel the need to understand intellectually what everything needs from us? And, why do we continuously get it wrong? Even when we are trying to help we are doing that through ego, through a need to feel helpful, rather than just be accessible energetically. Even when we meditate, connect deeply, feel our own awareness, our connection..there is still a tendency to do this for our own benefit, to heal ourselves, to heal those close to us, to fix our specific lives.
A tree does not question itself. One of its purposes is to provide oxygen and it does this without question, without asking why it should, without needing thanks, motivational speeches, empowerment. All it requires is that the energy of the universe is balanced, to enable it to call on, and create, the right mix of energetic vibrations that allow it to maintain the physical state it needs to carry out its purpose, and in return it provides oxygen for all living beings. If the right mix of balanced energy is not available its physical being is affected, and it may die. It cannot continue with its purpose and thus its energy will dissipate. The tree does not worry about this. It is either in a state of balance or imbalance. It relies on the universe to give it what it needs, and in return the universe relies on the tree to carry out its purpose.
In the same way as a tree, our human physical bodies tell us when our basic vibration is not in balance, something is out of kilter, missing, overloaded. Our vibration is causing an imbalance in the flow of the universe. We cannot carry out our purpose. But, we worry about it. And thus, we start to look inwards. We get into our heads and try to fix the balance. We drug it. We label it. We give it an emotion. This then creates further imbalances and we lose our connection to everything outside of ourselves. We know something is wrong, something is missing, but we look even more inwards. We try and fill the space with anything except what we should. We become our own little cyclone of emotions that just twist around and around themselves, creating a stronger and stronger ego, until finally our energy can’t fight anymore and dissipates completely.
What is our purpose?
The only way to find out is to reconnect. Find the balance again. Expand and emit our own energetic vibration outwards with the sole purpose of being part of the balance of the universe. Then wait for a response….
This afternoon I meditated on this and wrote this in my journal:
I went deep & let my energy emit itself, offering itself to the universe. I could sense a hesitancy in my self. What is the offering? How can it be used? Who am I to offer my pitiful energy for use by such a large force of nature. I felt encompassed into everything. I felt into physicality and sensed a sore shoulder. Then I sensed the same feeling in two of my horses, Risada and Querida. We healed together, focusing on that point together. It didn’t take much effort. We were not separate. The physical seemed almost mundane, a distraction. My body became irrelevant. I could sense my body, but it felt like a necessary appendage that I shouldn’t leave behind. The universe would provide me with the physical body I needed for my energetic purpose. It would carry me on my journey. I could still feel the sensation of being encompassed in something very powerful. It was humbling. I felt that any being I bought to mind was there energetically, and even writing this now I can sense that. If I think of someone, or an animal, or a tree, or Megs’ mountains, I can feel a vibration, a sense of togetherness. I feel very tingly and there is a sense within me of sitting at the edge of something.
I finished my meditation, and I could sense the horses so I went round to the shelter to discover they were all there in the connection, physically and energetically. They had all come up from the fields to join in the session.