Feeling judged? Doubting yourself?

A look at changing that feeling……………

And a couple of laminitis references………

Red backed shrike

This post is less to do with horses and more to do with ourselves. (so I found some of my bird photos for a change).

Guess what? Changing ourselves helps our animals, helps those around us, and mostly helps ourselves; physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Looking at these feelings though came about due to a discussion about horses.

How many of you have found your defences coming up when somebody else starts to talk about what you consider as your situation, your babies and what is going on with them?

Understanding the difference between ‘being present and listening’, and ‘over-thinking’, helped me out significantly. The Trust Technique helps us to learn this. We learn this with our animals but eventually it spills over into how we listen to ourselves and to others.

Great Egret having a bad day

A friend was telling me about a couple of ladies in France who specialise in finding out and sharing as much as they can about laminitis. Having lived with laminitics for years exploring new solutions, and in particular the emotional aspects of the physical situations, I felt my defences come up. I hadn’t felt like this about laminitis for a long time – you know that feeling. In words it goes something like: ” Why are you telling me this? Do you think I am doing something wrong? Am I doing something wrong?” and so on….

Many years ago I found a book called ‘Laminitis: understanding, cure, prevention’ by Remco Sikkel and it has been my bible ever since. Something really stood out for me when I first read the book and it was a statement. I am paraphrasing, but it went something like ‘If you don’t know what is causing the problem, stop everything you are doing and start again’.

And that has stuck with me (as well as all the amazing research and work he does with laminitis). It also doesn’t mean do that once. It means do that all the time. Take that step back, detach yourself and ask the question – what should I be doing?. It is the same as being in the present. Right here, right now – what is happening? When you ask these questions in the present, what you are seeing is not bound in the past (because it worked before it will work now), or in the future (if I don’t do something my horse will die). It is about trusting your intuition about what to do now. The more I have worked on that basis, the healthier and happier the herd has become, laminitic or otherwise.

So, bearing all that in mind, why did I get defensive? Why did self-doubt suddenly rear up? Because I am human. As simple as that. We humans are all subject to our thoughts. Not allowing those thoughts to go into over-drive is the key. I realised I had got defensive, and when I acknowledged that my feelings changed and I listened, and I learnt, and I found out some stuff I didn’t know which was really useful.

Grey Heron
Young Red Kite

How do we change feeling judged? How do we change self-doubt? If you feel your defences come up, instead of finding words to defend your position, say ‘That’s interesting.’ You will be amazed at how a conversation can change with those two little words. Those words will put your mind into a learning mode. They turn the conversation into a sharing of information. They confirm you are confident on your own path but you are also open to ideas. They make the other person feel listened to.

They also work if you are a person that doesn’t go into defence mode, but starts to self-doubt. I can be hearing words from somebody else but my mind is saying ‘ Listen to this..you didn’t know that..why didn’t you know that…now I am worried I have done it all wrong…worry worry worry..’.

Instead of feeling worry, say to yourself ‘That’s interesting’. All the feelings will dissipate because you have given yourself the space to listen, engage in the conversation, learn something new, confirm your own journey, and know that you have all the time in the world to do a bit more research later.

Red winged starlings

In the present there is no doubt.

In the present there is no judgement.

In the present you are exactly where you are meant to be.

That is interesting.

Laminitis references


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