“A healer does not heal you. A healer is someone who holds space for you while you awaken your inner healer. So that you may heal yourself.” Quote by Maryam Hasnaa
12th May 2020
I woke up thinking about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) today. Something to do with an article I read a few days ago, about CFS potentially being caused by a virus, maybe, and the fact that both my sister, and daughter-in-law, both describe themselves as suffering from it.
I thought about viruses on my walk this morning..looking for the question I suppose that I was seeking the answer for. Thoughts meandered quite a bit thinking about the virus as a living thing, having its own energy. Cannot we connect with the virus in another person but not connect to the energy of that person? But that didn’t make sense because you would only know about the virus if you are connected to the other person.
There is a relationship there. It is like a symbiotic relationship I suppose. Maybe viruses can lay dormant for a long time and only become stronger when the right combination of vibrations is in place to help it grow. Cancer would be the same, a dormant being waiting for the right conditions. It made me think of other destructive symbiotic relationships such as ivy and trees. Not all trees are covered with ivy, so maybe certain energetic vibrations create an environment that the ivy is drawn to, that strengthen it, and destroy its host as such. Destroy / Destructive are not the best words as, from the virus’s/cancer cells’/ ivys’ perspective it is a life giving / strengthening environment, although as it gets stronger, it destroys its host, and ultimately destroys itself. The nature of things. The cycle of life for every being.
So how can we tell when conditions are right or wrong for a virus or cells to develop and start to destroy their host? Is corona virus going to be symbiotic once it settles in; is it already dormant in many people? Is the vibrational pattern CFS is waiting to connect too more complex than some other viruses, like maybe flu? Is there a vibrational baseline rhythm for humans generally that they are born with, that then changes as it is influenced by its life journey?
This last question felt like it had a depth to it so I went into meditation I looked for this rhythm in myself.
I felt for my song. When the sense of a song came in I started to see systems as an orchestra. The heart was the base rhythm. The brain the piano. The respiratory system was the woodwind section, the nerves the strings section. The whole thing was a beautiful sonata. I just dived down into that song and looked at how my systems connected, how one reaction leads to another and another, and everything is connected to make the whole. I stayed there for quite a while because I think this is the first time I have understood the functioning of the body. I could feel it functioning, feel the different connections, reactions. I could sense what happens at joints, within muscles, the acid function in the stomach, the filter function in the kidneys. I couldn’t describe it scientifically.. I could just sense it.
I then asked about patterns, vibrational changes. How do these show themselves? It was like changing the sonata to a rap song. Things became more stilted, less flowing, harder on the ear. I then looked at the spaces in the orchestra. It was like the piano needed retuning within the strings section, like the conductor had forgotten to bring in the clarinet at the right time, the violinist had gone for a toilet break. Something was off, flat, not resonating properly. There was a space that needed filling, an opportunity for the rap guy to take the floor and change the song.
I got a sense that some spaces are filled quickly and loudly with an immediate vibration change, and these cause pain to the ear they are so loud and so off beat. I sensed that this was probably vibrational upsets like a storm. Maybe like a broken arm.
I also got a sense that some spaces are filled discreetly, slowly, so the change to the beat is subtle. The song shifts from a sonata to a ballad. The ear hears a change. It is a little unpleasant but it can be gotten used to. Slowly spaces in the orchestra are filled with different instruments, the subtle changes become more perceptible until we adapt to the new song. It becomes pervasive, wants more, wants to be at the top of the charts, the true vibration. The more it is ignored, covered up, blocked, the stronger it gets. It feels like it wants to have its song recognised..then it can smile and leave.
13th May 2020
Following on from yesterday regarding viruses, I connected with my sister this morning. It felt like that was where everything was leading. From reading the article and sharing it; asking my sister and daughter-in-law if they had read it; getting my head around feeling a healthy system / vibration; understanding what it might feel like to feel an unhealthy system; how a virus or illness can invade a system; to what a symbiotic relationship looks like.
As I looked for her, energetically, I first felt a bit of a buffer, or resistant boundary. It felt a little like emotional resistance, so I felt for the healing intelligence, and I suppose, ignored emotion, let it be, didn’t engage with it. After a while I could sense her system. I got this sense of a wrinkled system. It felt old. There was a sense of the flow struggling to get round the next bend so to speak. Like a wilting plant, a dying system. I knew I needed to go deeper.
Amethyst came to me. I hadn’t engaged with any of the crystals at the beginning of this session, but she came to me, and I felt her envelop everything in a purple light that we could work within. It was like she was giving my sisters’ healing energy the strength to get past the weariness. It occurred to me when this was happening that the energetic strength or vibration / resonance of humans is on a similar plane. With each other, as humans, we can help, strengthen, awaken, share energy to assist the healing intelligence in its job, support. Like the horses support and share when healing and processing. The horses show us by allowing us to see, then it is up to us to develop and do the same within our own herd.
As we dropped into the amethyst light, the purple sea, the healing intelligence felt stronger. I could sense the nervous system, the respiratory system, the blood circulation. It felt like someone was cutting off oxygen somewhere, stealing it, but almost drip like in its theft. It felt like oxygen was rationed, not from a breathing perspective but to do with the jobs it does, the reactions within the body that use oxygen were not happening to the fullest extent. Like a 4 engine aircraft running on three. I travelled up the spinal chord into a nerve centre. Something was not right. Something was sitting on the edge pulling strings, placing blocks, like piano strings being tightened in the wrong places, and loosened off at the wrong time. The rhythm was wrong. The amethyst light deepened as I watched. It was fascinating to watch the work. It needed acknowledgement. It needed light. It needed love and joy. I could feel it smile and the sense of overwhelming peace I got was awesome. I knew then it was time to leave. The amethyst light brightened like the end of a theatre show and we eased out of the session.
Later on walking in the rain past the trees I got that sense of joy and peace again, and found myself smiling brightly. It is almost the opposite of what I suppose society would want me to feel – fear, dread, worry. I just felt fascinated, amazed, in wonder.
That same afternoon I felt myself drawn to have a little session with the amethyst and to try and connect with my daughter-in-laws’ system to see if I could see CFS in her, and introduce myself energetically maybe. I connected with her boundary but their was hesitation from her, lack of trust maybe. I haven’t specifically asked her if I could try this. I have mentioned before to her about sensing into her for healing, but not a specific request. I wanted to respect her boundaries so I just waited for a while. I felt a relaxation and asked amethyst to join us. I felt her light surround me but my daughter-in-law was outside. It was like she was looking in but was not wanting to come inside. I just stayed sitting in the beauty and softness of the light and made a space for her to join me when she was ready. I left the session at that point, an open invitation.
14th May 2020
This morning the amethyst and Camilles’ snowflake obsidian crystal wanted to work with me and connect to my daughter in laws system. I looked for her boundary and as I found it I got an initial sense of resistance. The obsidian was interesting because I felt it warm up at that point. It was like it was enfolding her, becoming her, softening the resistance. It felt like it was allowing her to be in a place where she could hold on to who she is, nothing would change. I went into the purple light of the amethyst and sensed we were going deeper.
Working with the two crystals this way was fascinating, because I could sense both of them working in different ways. The obsidian felt like it was creating a protective barrier within my daughter in law. I didn’t get a sense of any of her systems like I did with my sister. There was no sense of her health at all, like I wasn’t allowed to understand that. The amethyst was leading me in unobtrusively, creating a light around me that I could see through but in an ethereal way, like everything had a soft edge to it.
I was led to her spinal chord and saw / sensed something wrapped around the chord, starting from the connection at the brain and wrapped around a few times, to about half way down her spine. As I looked at it it retreated up the spine. It was acknowledged. I got the feeling I should leave the connection.
It feels like all this was meant to be. I get a sense of the timing of things. When both my sister, and my daughter-in-law considered that CFS could be a virus, I felt relief from them, something they could work with. The ego was suddenly in a state of adjustment. The relationship between the self and the healing intelligence was open to connection. The healing intelligence may have a window of opportunity. By connecting with the host at this point I am hoping I affected an awakening of the healing intelligence in relation to healing this particular affliction whether it is a virus or not. I feel I sensed an unbalance in each of their systems but I couldn’t give you a name for it.
This was an interesting experience for me as I am in the process of deepening my understanding of the healing intelligence; how watching can affect change. Additionally, it was a challenge to make sure I was always following my own energetic sense and not my ego. The exercise has given me a deeper feeling of connection to myself and to the present, and it is getting easier to sense when something is in the mind/ego rather than in energetic awareness.
And therefore I thank Camille Dareau, and my herd of 5 beautiful equines, my guides, my healers, and my ‘holders of space’.